The Weight of Decisions
by OnlyPaily
Summary: What if Ali came back and offered Emily what she wanted? As her relationship with Paige crumbles, Emily must decide between two women she loves. Is there still fight left between her and Paige? Has it always been Ali, or was it a childhood fantasy that died when she believed her friend did? Told as if the girls left Ravenswood at the finale. M for safety
1. Chapter 1

Once again, Emily lay in bed with Paige, pretending to be asleep. The tone between the two girls was far different than the night of Emily's surprise birthday party, but the weight on Emily's shoulders was no less.

Paige rolled onto her side, her arm casually flopping onto Emily's hip. She snuggled into Emily from behind, burying her nose into her shoulder and letting out a deep, contented sigh. Emily felt a sadness deep in her chest. She longed for the feeling of weightlessness she could hear in Paige's breathing. She reached her hand to her side and placed it atop of the other girl's, gently ghosting over her soft skin. Since the day she met Paige, the girl tried so hard; she tried to be the best, tried to fight who she was. She tried for Emily's affections. She tried to be who Emily needed her to be. She tried to fight for the approval of Emily's friends. She tried to protect Emily from danger, and then she tried to give Emily the life she always dreamed of when it looked like her hopes for her future were ruined.

Emily listened to the breathing of the girl behind her, the girl who held her with a gentle ease. In and out. Soft and slow.

'We have to face facts. We're not going to be together next year.'

The words rang in her head. In and out. Soft and slow. Paige's future was all but set. She had the school. She had accepted the here and now with Emily, knowing full well that it was only here and now. She slept and breathed with ease because she HAD ease. There was no weight for her.

Emily sighed harshly. She didn't want to resent Paige. She loved Paige. It wasn't her fault that things were working in her favor. And she tried desperately to take Emily along for the ride. But so much was coming between the two. Emily just didn't lead a life like normal girls. Why couldn't she just be like normal girls? Girls who weren't running from stalkers and killers who murdered her best friend?

Her best friend...Ali. What if it's true? What if Ali WAS alive? It can't be true. Does she WANT it to be true? Of course she does! Of course she would want Ali alive and well over dead and buried. She would want that any day! But she doesn't understand. How could she just disappear like this? How could she give them no sign, no indication of her life, of her safety, or lack thereof? They could have helped. They could have done something. Maybe this would all be over with. Maybe all of this, all of this time, everything that had happened, never would have. All of the confusion, all of the fear, the danger - the not knowing what is real or who to trust. Maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe she could have just been with Ali all of this ti -

Emily's eyes shot open. Been with Ali? What the hell was she thinking about? Is that what she wants? Still? After everything that has happened? After all of this time? Is it not more than simply wanting her friend home safe? Wanting a resolution after all of this time? Is she still in love with Ali?

Images of Ali flashed through her mind. Her big blue eyes and the way they would squint when she smiled her big toothy grin. It was like her biggest smiles were reserved just for her private jokes with Emily, the dimples in her cheeks growing deeper by the second -

"You ok, babe?" Paige murmured sleepily.

Emily's eyes trailed down to her hip, to Paige's hand. She gripped it firmly and her eyebrows furrowed as the thoughts that ran through her head conflicted with the feeling of the girl currently pressed against her body. Paige stirred slightly and pushed further into Emily, pressing light kisses to her neck.

"Yeah." Emily answered in a quiet whisper. She squeezed Paige's hand reassuringly and turned onto her other side, facing her. She placed her hand on Paige's cheek and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Go back to sleep."

"Mmmhmm." Paige moaned, already dozing back off.

Emily continued to ghost her hand lightly over Paige's cheek, her eyebrows, the bridge of her nose, her chin. She slowly took in every feature of her soft, unencumbered face with an inexplicably terrible feeling in the pit of her stomach that it was only a matter of time before pain and worry wrinkled her features again.


	2. Chapter 2: The Reveal

Chapter 2: The Reveal

Emily sat at the table in the courtyard of Rosewood High, elbows on the table, plastic fork picking at unappetizing food. She wasn't looking at what she was doing and her mind was even further from her lunch than her eyes were.

"So Caleb had no luck?" Spencer asked pleadingly.

"No go." Hannah answered. "The bank account info on those papers blocked out all but the last four digits. All we have to go on is the bank name and it's not even local. Right now, it looks like he's playing code cracker for the Cayman Islands."

"Ugh!" Spencer slammed her fists down on the table in frustration, causing Emily to jump at the sound. "What the hell? Everything we found in that room! All of it! It's useless! No clues! It's leading us nowhere!"

"And fast." Hannah finished.

Emily continued to stare off into space. Aria narrowed her eyes at her.

"Earth to Emily. Are you okay?" she asked.

Emily gave her head a quick shake, tuning back into the conversation.

"Yeah, sorry. What were we talking about?"

"Just about our pointless trip to Ravenswood screwing us back to square one." Spencer answered in a huffy tone.

"Don't say that, Spence." Aria interjected, attempting to soothe her. " It's not like it was for nothing. We know where A is operating from now. We can -"

"We can what?" Spencer rolled her eyes. She sighed. She knew she was snapping at her friends, but she couldn't help it. They got so close again only to be kept so far away. "Cece got away. Again. We found A's lair. Great. You think they don't know we know? How long before they relocate and put us even further behind the 8 ball? Again"

"Do you guys think it was true?" Emily asked, as if her mind and body were still miles away from the conversation occurring at the table.

The three girls turned to her with matching confused looks.

"Do we think what was true?" Hannah asked.

"What Grunwald said...about Ali?" Emily bit her lip nervously. "Do you think Ali is really alive?"

A quiet fell upon the girls as they looked from one to another. No one wanted to speak up first. No one knew what to say. Finally, Spencer sighed.

"Do I think she pulled Allison out of the dirt? No. No one was buried alive and clawed their way out that night. That woman is either lying to our faces or flat out delusional." Spencer answered.

"There were 2 redcoats, Spencer!" Emily spat out. "We all saw them! And one of them led you to that room! She wanted you to see it!"

"I don't know that, Emily!" Spencer replied back, shaking her head from side to side in exasperation. "To be honest, at this point, I feel like Ravenswood exists purely for my confusion because I just don't know what the hell is going on anymore!"

The bell sounded through the courtyard, signaling the end of lunch period for the 4 girls.

"Why don't we take a break from this conversation?" Spencer asked. "We'll meet up tonight? My place?" Hannah and Aria nodded. Emily lost herself in her thoughts once again. "In the meantime, if anyone hears anything - if Caleb finds anything linked to that bank account, Hannah - we all text. Immediately!"

"Yeah."

"Got it." Aria nodded.

The three girls stood up from the table and began to walk their separate ways. Emily stayed seated, staring off into the distance. Aria stopped and turned back to her.

"Em?" Emily turned to her. "Are you coming? We've got to get to class."

"Yeah...Yeah. I'm on my way." Emily nodded, folding her arms across her chest as if protecting herself from some imaginary cold chill.

Aria gave her a sympathetic look.

"Hey...we're all feeling really messed up right now. That's why we've got to stick together, now more than ever. We'll talk about this all more tonight. At Spencer's."

"Oh, yeah. I can't. I'm working. Closing shift at The Brew." Emily responded, still a distance in her tone and demeanor.

"Oh." Aria answered. "Are you sure? Can you get out of it?"

"I really should work. I called out for that trip to Ravenswood, so I could use the money."

"Ok. Well go straight to Paige's afterward. No lingering in the dark and plenty of cuddles." Aria gave her a cheeky grin.

Emily smiled back at her friend, but barely heard a word she said.

Emily stood behind the counter at The Brew with her back to the register absently polishing and stacking coffee mugs. It was halfway through her shift and she was already exhausted, physically, mentally, and emotionally. She couldn't stop thinking about Ravenswood. About that room. Those pictures. There were pictures of everyone...including Ali.

What if she was alive? Is alive? Where is she? Where has she been all of this time? Is she scared? She's all alone. All of their "hallucinations"...Were they not really hallucinations? What if Ali was visiting them? What if she had been trying to protect them all of this time? Most importantly, is she ever going to come back?

"Early morning?"

Emily turned around, startled, to see Paige leaning on the counter with a warm grin. Paige pulled back slightly at the sight of Emily jumping.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." she said.

Emily rubbed her eyes. "It's fine. I was zoning. It's been a long day."

"I'm sure it has. When I woke up this morning...you were already gone." Paige looked away.

Emily frowned. Her heart hurt for Paige. She looked down and saw her ringing her hands on the countertop and wanted so badly to place a comforting hand on top. She wanted to tell her she wasn't intentionally pulling away, but it was like her mind and her body weren't connected. All she could do was stare at Paige's hands- hands that never hesitated to offer her love and comfort- and not make a move.

"Yeah, I had some things to do." she answered in a flat, monotone voice. She winced at her own tone. Why was everything so hard right now? Why couldn't she just take Paige's hands? Why couldn't she take comfort in her hands, her arms, her kisses, her body? Just like always? What was so different now?

...Ali... She had a hold on her when they were kids and she still did. She always stopped her from seeing anyone other than her and now she was stopping her from even being able to reach out and touch Paige. Emily wanted to curl up and cry.

"Em?" Emily glanced up to see a concerned look on Paige's face. Paige reached out and grabbed Emily's hand, closing the gap and making the contact Emily could not. "Emily, what's wrong? You got back from Ravenswood last night and barely said a word to me. It was late so I didn't think too much of it, but this morning you left before I was even awake and this is the first I'm talking to you all day. What's going on? Did something happen in Ravenswood?"

And out of nowhere, it's as if Emily's mind and body reconnected. There was so much care and concern and pain in Paige's voice - all for her. She squeezed Paige's hands back. "No, I'm fine...or I will be. I'm so sorry if I'm disconnected. It's just...you know how much is going on for me right now..."

'No, you don't.' Emily thought inwardly.

Paige smiled warmly and brought her hand up to cup Emily's cheek, squeezing her hand reassuringly with her other hand. "I know, Em. And YOU know you don't have to hide it from me. I'm here. You know I am."

And with that look, with her smiling eyes, it was Paige once again. It was Paige who occupied her thoughts, her mind and her heart.

Emily swept the bits of dust on the floor into a neat pile in the center of the coffee shop. After Paige left, Emily wandered around the shop with a warm feeling in the pit of her stomach. It was a feeling Paige left her with often, sometimes with a look, sometimes with a kiss, sometimes with a touch. Tonight that feeling was safety, security and comfort - the feeling that while her life was currently reeling, Paige was there.

Because of that feeling, the rest of her shift moved impossibly slow. Emily looked up at the clock on the wall. 10:07 pm. She thought of Paige, in her room, lying in bed, probably watching TV or wrapping up her homework, whatever to pass the time until Emily showed up. She couldn't wait until she got there, until she could crawl into bed with her and try to sneak the bedroom door closed. Emily smiled at the thoughts running through her head as she swept the pile of dust into a dustbin.

DING DING...

The bell over the front door sounded as the door opened and closed.

"Sorry. We're closed." Emily tossed casually over her shoulder without a look back and continued to sweep.

"You used to have time for me..."

Emily froze. That voice. That inflection. That unwavering confidence with just a hint of a teasing smile in the sound...

The broomstick dropped from Emily's hand and clattered to the floor. She turned slowly. Standing in the doorway was the all too familiar cascade of blonde curls, smiling blue eyes, and dimples accompanying a confident smirk.

Emily couldn't believe her eyes.

She was looking at Ali.


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter went differently than I had anticipated, but as I wrote it, this just felt more organic and faithful to the show than what I had originally planned. Let me know what you think.

And credit to Cat Stevens for the song lyrics.

Chapter 3: Choices

Emily stood frozen, staring at Ali. She was unable to move, unsure if the girl she was looking at was real or just another one of her hallucinations.

"What? No kiss hello?" Ali said with her trademark smirk. She took a step forward but Emily stumbled back, crashing into the counter. Ali halted, giving her friend a soft look. Instead of moving directly toward her, she slowly walked around the perimeter of the room. Emily kept her eyes trained on Ali as she ambled around the room, completely aloof.

"Sorry to just burst in but this isn't exactly the town to leave the doors unlocked." Ali said, slowly getting closer until she stood within inches of her former best friend. "I thought you would have known that by now."

"Is this real?" Emily breathed out. "Is this really you?"

Ali reached out slowly, so as not to startle her again, and gently placed her hand atop Emily's on the broomstick. She took the broomstick from her hands and into her own.

"It's always been real."

Emily stared at her, her words sinking in.

"Look, I don't have long. It isn't safe." Ali said, making a switch from her usual teasing and playful tone into a suddenly serious one. She took a few steps away, turning her back on Emily. "I know you all have been looking for me. You're getting too close."

"Too close to what?" Emily pressed.

"Too close to me. To him." Ali turned back, facing her friend. "I disappeared for a reason, Emily. Do you think if I didn't have a good reason I would have left you all? That I would have left you?"

Emily's heart clenched. She searched Ali's eyes. They were as deep as an ocean and held too much fear for a teenage girl to have experienced.

"I came here tonight to tell you to stop."

"No! Ali, you need help!"

"And I'm getting it!" Ali shot back. Ali took a moment to take a breath. "You've talked to Grunwald. I know you have. You know she's helping me all she can, protecting me all she can. But this is far from over and until it is I can't come back."

"Ali, please..." Emily moved forward. With tears in her eyes, she took hold of Ali's hand and a thousand memories from her childhood came flooding back to her at an overwhelming pace, almost causing her to lose her balance. Ali reached an arm out and wrapped it around her waist. Emily laid her forehead on Ali's shoulder. "I can't do this anymore. Not without you. Everything has been such a mess since you've been gone."

Ali reached out her other hand and ran it soothingly through Emily's hair.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything you've all been going through. But don't you get it? It's all because of me. He's hurting you all to get to me. I have to find out how to stop him. I have to fix this for you guys. I have to fix this for you." Ali pulled back and looked deep into Emily's eyes. "Someday you won't be hurting anymore, Emily. Someday you'll be happy."

Emily stared back into her eyes, trying to lose herself. She wanted to lose herself, lose the pain and confusion she had been feeling lately. Something was holding her back and she didn't know what.

She looked away shyly, unwrapping herself from the embrace. She turned her back to her friend and wrapped her arms around herself, putting her guard back up.

"So what now? You just disappear again? I never saw you? This never happened?" she questioned, her tone escalating in frustration.

_La La La La La La La La La La_

Emily turned at the abrupt sound of music to see Ali taking her hands off the jukebox in the corner of the room. She turned back to face Emily and extended her hand as an invite. Emily stared back at her not unfolding her arms.

_La La La La La La La La La La_

_ La La La La La La La La La La_

_ La La La La_

"Oh, don't be like that."

Ali walked up to her with a smirk and manually unfolded her arms, wrapping them around her and putting her own hands on Emily. The embrace was loose and informal. Ali stared hard at Emily, who was avoiding any eye contact with her, as Ali swayed their bodies to the sound of the music.

_Now that I've lost everything to you_

_ You say you want to start something new_

_ And it's breaking my heart you're leaving _

_ Baby I'm grieving._

"You're not answering me, Ali." Emily finally looked the other girl in the eyes.

Ali sighed. "Yeah...I disappear again. This never happened. You can't tell anyone."

"What about the girls?"

"Anyone, Emily." Ali tightened her grip. "It was dangerous enough for me to come here tonight. The more people that know..."

_But if you wanna leave_

_ Take good care_

_ I hope you have a lot of nice things to wear_

_ But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there..._

"If it was so dangerous, then why did you come?" Emily rolled her eyes and looked away. Ali put a hand under her chin and pulled her face up to look her in the eye.

"To see you. To let you know that I'm all right. To let you know that you'll be all right. But you have to stop playing his game."

"I'll never stop, Ali!" Emily said through gritted teeth. "None of us will! Not until you're home safe and all of this is over."

Ali looked away and chuckled. "Yeah, I should've known that." She looked back up into her friend's eyes and pulled her closer until their bodies were flush against one another. She rested her chin on Emily's shoulder as they continued to sway with the music. "I should've known you."

_Oh, baby, baby. It's a wild world. _

_ It's hard to get by just upon a smile. _

_ Oh, baby, baby. It's a wild world. _

_ I'll always remember you like a child, girl. _

Ali opened her eyes and pulled back to look at Emily's face.

"Come with me."

Emily's eyes widened in shock. "What?"

"Come with me. I'm running out of time and I have to leave again tonight, but you can come with me." Ali pulled back, lacing their lands together. Emily looked down at their hands. In them she saw her past, two children innocent and curious. In them she saw her present, an inconsistent question. But in them, she did not see her future; she had a hard time seeing her future anywhere nowadays.

Emily dropped Ali's hand. Ali wrinkled her brow, hurt. She pushed forward, placing her hands on Emily's cheeks. "Em, you said it yourself that it's been hard without me. It's been hard without you. Alone."

Emily shook her head from side to side, a tear sliding down her cheek, knowing this may be the last time she sees her friend again. She leaned her forehead against Ali's.

"But you have a choice, Ali. We all do. You don't have to run again. We can try to figure this out another way."

"I don't have a choice." Ali sobbed, showing a momentary sign of weakness.

Emily sighed, long and deep. "But I do."

Ali choked back her tears. "And you don't choose me..."

_You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do_

_ And it's breaking my heart in two_

_ 'Cause I never wanna see you sad, girl_

_ Don't be a bad girl. _

_ But if you wanna leave, take good care_

_ Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there_

_ Just remember there's a lot of bad and beware..._

Emily let her tears fall freely.

"I can't. You know I can't."

"I know."

"I love you so much, Allison. You were the first girl I loved."

Ali smiled. "I know that."

Emily smiled. "I know you know."

Allison kissed Emily's cheek, along the trail where her tears fell. "I WILL come back. Believe that."

"I try to."

DING DING

The girls turned in a flash toward the front door, startled by the loud and sudden sound. Standing there frozen in place, eyes wide and jaw open, hands buried deep in her jacket pockets, was Paige.

After a moment, the initial shock of seeing Allison standing in front of her, alive and well, appeared to wear off. Her jaw closed and her eyes refocused on the intimate embrace her girlfriend was sharing with her former enemy.

"Sorry to interrupt." she muttered. She turned on her heel and stormed out the door.

"Paige, WAIT!" Emily released herself from Allison's arms and attempted to chase after her.

Once outside the door, Emily attempted to chase her down for a block or so, but her athletic girlfriend had turned on the jets and was already halfway home. Trying to catch up to her was no use.

Emily shouted into the night sky and kicked the ground. She walked back to The Brew. She opened the front door and entered.

Nothing.

There was no music on the jukebox anymore. Allison was gone. Had she not just chased Paige for blocks knowing she had witnessed Allison as well, Emily would have assumed she had imagined the whole thing.

Emily closed the door behind herself. She clutched her arms to her stomach and sank to the floor in tears.


End file.
